Capturing the Heart of Your Teen Daughter – Day 12 ~ “When He’s Absent”

Photo Credit

Yesterday we heard from my husband Brian…and the ways as a dad he works to capture the hearts of his daughters.  And yet I realize that in many homes fathers are strangely absent even if they are physically present…or maybe not physically present at all.

So what is a girl to do?

What about the Mom who finds herself having to be both Mom and Dad?  Who finds herself carrying the burden of raising children without the support of a husband or a father? How do we reach the hearts of our teen daughters in the place where a father is supposed to be?

These are tough questions with no easy answer.  I still remember a friend asking me if God was aware of her daughter’s pain…not having her father in her life?  She was concerned that her daughters heart would be so scarred.that she would then struggle the rest of her life because of his absence.

At the time the only thing I knew to share with her was a promise from scripture found in Psalm 68:5 which says that God is “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”

Because the truth is that our creator God has a Father’s heart for his children..for his daughters.  He sees, he hears and  even grieves with us in our pain.  He longs to draw close to us and surround us with his love…the love of a father.

But what does that mean practically?  Because I realize that we can speak these truths all day long but yet a daughter’s heart still longs for her father.

I think that one of the places to begin is in prayer…that as mom’s we begin to pray that God would send godly men into our daughters life. Men that model what it means to follow after God. Someone that will encourage her in her walk with God and be a “father-figure” presence in her life.

Even though I grew up in a home with a great dad there were other men in my life that modeled godliness for me.  My grandfathers, my pastor and my coaches.  These were men that spoke into my life in a lot of different ways…but all modeled what it meant to be a godly man.

Then we need to pray  that what our daughters see in these godly men, will help her see the kind of heart that her Heavenly Father has for her..as her protector, defender, teacher and provider.  That she will know she is cherished and loved for who she is and that ultimately, it is only her true spiritual Father that can fill the void that she finds in her heart.

Is it easy? No…I will not pretend that it is.  But I also know that God’s promises to us never return void.

Photo Credit

Isaiah 55:10-11 – “As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

So that means…if He says he will be a “father to the fatherless” then He will be what he says He will be. My hope is that as our daughters grow they will be able to look back and see where God cared for them in this way. Where he meet her need for that “father-figure” in her life, how he loved her enough to make sure that even this area, while to human measure may seem lacking, was never missing his touch.

So my challenge today is not just for our single moms’ but it’s for all of us…that we may lift our daughters heart to the Lord, to ask Him to be true to his promise…to be a father to her heart….to be a father to the fatherless… That we would stand in the gap for all the young ladies that cry for a Father’s love and who need to know they matter, that they have value and worth.  That in their Heavenly Father they will find what they seek and that their hearts will be satisfied in Him alone.

~Victoria

I would love to hear from you. Feel free to leave a comment here on the blog, on the Fearless Heart Facebook Page or send your thoughts to my e-mail at fearlessheart101@gmail.com   ~Victoria 

PS: Don’t forget about the giveaways at the end of this challenge – follow the link below to enter.

Fearless Heart Giveaway

Click this entry link http://bit.ly/11Oqjwd for a chance to win one of three great prizes. Remember – You are able to comment and/or tweet each day to earn more entries.

Capturing the Heart of Your Teen Daughter – Day 6 ~”Pointing her Heart”

On Day 5 we talked about Fear.  Our fear’s and her fear’s…and the need to let go.  “But not only to let go, but to “Let Go and Let God.”

It’s about learning to “Let Go and Let God”….Because ultimately it’s about Him capturing Her Heart…because honestly…. that is the safest place she can ever be!

While we do want to capture the heart of our daughters...what we are really doing is capturing her heart in order to point her back to God.…to her heavenly Father.

Last year we made a decision to begin homeschooling our daughters. One of our major reasons was our eldest daughter was having some health issues and so we decided to bring her home at least for a year so she could get better. At the same time we decided we just couldn’t run so many different directions…and so we brought all four daughters home.

There was a day and time we didn’t always have that ability, so I am thankful that the season of life was such that we could do that.

But even in bringing them home I just had a real sense in my heart that we needed to be able to capture our daughters hearts at this vital age….especially for the ones headed into middle school. I could see all the things that were trying to pull and tug at their hearts…I was starting to see it in their actions and attitudes, and not all of it was pretty.

It had nothing to do with the school, the teachers or their friends…we had been in public school education for the past eight years and had a wonderful experience.  But We just knew for our family it was time to make a switch.

The age of middle school especially is a changing landscape of hormones, figuring out who you are, what you think and what you believe…and yet there are so many competing messages in our girls lives, and from having been through it with our oldest, I knew how tough it could be on a young girl’s heart and mind.

The decision was hard but we could not escape this sense deep in our spirit that we needed to capture our girls hearts at this early age...that it was vital to pour into their lives in a deeper way at this critical stage.

So we embarked on an adventure the last year, and while it had it’s ups and downs, I can say that it was one our best years. It was awesome to watch them grow and excel in their studies…but it was also wonderful to have the time to invest the things of God’s Word into their life on a daily basis, to work on character qualities and our relationship as a family.

That doesn’t mean they don’t have struggles, or issues that normally come with being a tween or teen…it doesn’t mean they don’t have questions and frustrations.  But what it does mean is that in capturing their hearts we can point them to the one who does have answers for all their today’s and tomorrows.

And I see the fruit of that investment…I see them wanting to spend time reading their bible and praying on their own…I see my oldest daughters heart for missions growing and growing…..I see my other girls have a deeper sensitivity to those who are in need or struggling.

I’m not saying that these things wouldn’t happen if our children were in public or private school…..I most certainly think it can.

But what I am saying is that no matter how we school our children, what activities we are involved in…there will always be something that will try and steal their attention away…and before we know it we can stand there and wonder what happened. How did we get so busy in the day to day that we missed pointing our hearts back to Him? To pointing our children back to Him?

I believe that a part of capturing our daughters heart is the ability to point our daughters right back to their creator. To their Heavenly Father…because ultimately it is He who wants to capture her heart.

And the way we point her to Him is by modeling what it means to have a relationship with Christ.  To take time to meet with God each day, taking time to read in His Word, to pray and seek Him for our day to day needs.

Sometimes I have to remind my girls to get their quiet time in.  I’ll ask them in the morning “Did you take some quiet time, some time to pray and read in your Bible?”  And it’s not being legalistic about it, but it is gently pointing them back….helping them refocus from a distraction, whether it be good or bad.

To refocus her heart…to refocus her life.   And as they do they began to notice what a difference it makes…when they spend time with God refocusing their mind and heart, then the day just goes better. They find it’s not filled with so much frustration and bumps in the road.

So today I challenge you to take some time for yourself….alone with God….getting your heart re-focused first.  Then take some time to ask God how to help point your daughters heart to Him.  Pray for insight into what is going on in her life, and an opportunity to encourage her so that you might be able to encourage her back to Him.

~Victoria

Deuteronomy 6:5-8: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.”

I would love to hear from you. Feel free to leave a comment here on the blog, on the Fearless Heart Facebook Page or send your thoughts to my e-mail at fearlessheart101@gmail.com 

PS: Don’t forget about the GIVEWAYS at the end of this challenge – follow the link below to enter.

Fearless Heart Giveaway

Click this entry link http://bit.ly/11Oqjwd for a chance to win one of three great prizes. Remember – You are able to comment and/or tweet each day to earn more entries.